THE MOST EXPENSIVE 70 MILES ON EARTH

Yesterday I went on an overnight trip to Tel Aviv, Israel with a friend. From Amman, Tel Aviv is only 70 miles away. We were told a cheaper alternative to flying was using the border VIP service that gets you rapidly across the border and over to the coast. This information is incorrect. The total transportation costs to transit 140 miles (there and back) was $1047.00 USD, and it was a complete pain in the ass. Here's how the costs break down:

$140.00 each way for an ex-mukhabarat general to drive us from Amman to the border; approximately 30 miles. This is important because without someone with connections at the border, your passport will be stamped by the Jordanians and leave a trace that you've been to Israel. That trace turns your passport into a useless collection of stamps. Most Arab countries will not allow you into their country if you've been to the land of the Jews. Slip an additional $30.00 to the guy behind the desk that doesn't stamp the passport. $15.00 for the exit tax from Jordan. Now comes the interesting part. People have spent days waiting to cross this border into overly-paranoid Israel. So both sides came up with what amounts to a legal bribe they call the "VIP" service. For $190.00 each way we were sped through customs and provided a private car for the roughly 1 mile drive between borders. We also got one free bottle of water. Once in Israel, our ride to Tel Aviv was not there, so we had to take a bus to Jerusalem ($20.00). Luckily the man my friend was meeting happened to be in Jerusalem, or we would have had to spend another $100.00 for a taxi to Tel Aviv.

The next morning at 9:30 am we were met by a taxi that drove us the 40 miles back to the Jordanian border at the bargain rate of $232.00. Another $190.00 for the VIP service, and $90.00 for the exit visas. No cost to get hassled by a 20 year old Israeli with an M-16 about why we don't want any trace of Israel in our passport. Surprisingly no bribe for the Jordanians not to stamp our passport with an entry stamp. And finally, another $140.00 for our secret police ride back to Amman. As stated before, one night in Tel Aviv cost $1047.00 just for land transportation and bribes. I came across a perfect metaphor for this experience in the Welcome to Israel magazine. On the first page is a "warm" welcome from the Minister of Tourism, and his cold emotionless expression says to me, "did you have fun getting here assholes?"