Sunday, April 14, 2013

YOU HAVE IBS? YOU MUST HAVE REALLY STRONG LEGS

There are few things in this world as disgusting as a public Chinese toilet. It doesn't matter if it's located in a country club or a bus station; toilets here are filthy olfactory nightmares. Let's start with the trash can in the corner, filled with used toilet paper. It's enough in itself to start the gag reflex going. I'm not sure if this is a really bad habit or if people here are told the pipes can't handle the paper, but seeing as how the streets all smell of sewage anyways, I'd like to suggest going ahead and flushing the paper. My second issue is with the design: it's moronic! Who wants to squat while doing their business? It is very hard on your leg muscles, not to mention you have your pants pulled down and they are directly below you, thus blocking the target. The only way to use the thing and not make a mess is to stand in front of the hole, turn around, and hang your ass way out. It is a precarious balancing act at best, and is only effective for one type of business. Urinating requires you to turn completely back around and face the toilet. All the while you are standing in other people's filth and forced to stare at your own excrement. Finally you finish and its time to tidy up down there, but alas, no restrooms in China provide toilet paper. You must carry your own around at all times! The second largest economy in the world can't afford to provide free universal toilet paper! Ethiopian toliets have free toilet paper. Unless I'm having a DEFCON 5 emergency, I avoid using public toilets here at all costs. Our apartment does in fact have a western toilet. I believe it to be the cleanest receptacle in all of Guangzhou.

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